WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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