Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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