My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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