we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
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She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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