i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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