And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize