i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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