cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
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Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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