its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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