You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
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there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
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I AM VODKA MAN
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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