I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize