Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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