I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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