i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
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I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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