ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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