guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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