I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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