Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize