apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
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The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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