Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize