What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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