I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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