lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
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I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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