i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
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i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
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Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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