Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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