I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
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Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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