This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
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you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
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He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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