Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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