The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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