I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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