Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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