She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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