where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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