Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
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I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
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I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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