if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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