i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize