How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
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He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
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Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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