is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize