You were right. It hurts to walk today.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I believe in your delicious
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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