never play flip cup with pint glasses
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize