So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
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Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
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Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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