alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
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We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
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You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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