Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize