i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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