hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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