i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize