i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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