Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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