his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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