i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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