flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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