My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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