1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
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5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
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